Yesterday was a day out of a manual for nightmares. I was neither at the University nor in Dublin at all. When I brushed my teeth late at night I remembered that I had not eaten all day. So with delay but not forgotten, another attempt of mine to not eat pork in an all-pork eating environment. Today: Roasted Vegetables with mashed potatoes (instead of rice.) Well, you might say, Read On, you don’t think us you can trick us like that, don’t you? Roasted Vegetables? But I can only shrug my shoulders and repeat: Roasted Vegetables. Sometimes I wonder if in the morning the cook and his underlings gather and the cook asks:
Cook: What’s our main dish today?
Underling 1: Cook, you said either cold ham with mustard or roasted turkey.
Cook: Turkey it is, time to get a bit christmassy, isn’it? Hohooohooo.
Underlings 1 to 10: Oh no please don’t make us wear these silly hats again. Please cook, show some mercy.
Cook ( sighs ): These stupid underlings! I am talking about the turkey! As in christmas turkey not as in empty heads underneath a hat.
Underlings 1-10: smiling in relief.
Cook: You will all wear reindeer antlers this year. No discussions. How many of you are there?
Underling 4 ( in despair ): Cook, there are eight reindeers but ten of us underlings.
Cook: Eight reindeers? I’ll be damned! Count again!!
Underling 1: Vixen
Underling 2: Blixen
Underling 3: Dasher
Underling 4: Dancer
Underling 5: Prancer
Underling 6: Donner
Underling 7: Blitzen
Underling 8: Cupid
Underling 9: Rudolph
Underling 10 stands in silence
Cook, Ha, I knew it. There were more than eight. Who said eight? Eight. Yeah. Yeah. See underlings this is the difference between me and you. I fuckin‘ know things. Eight reindeers. We think of somethin‘ for you. ( points to Underling 10 )
( It knocks against the door )
Cook: Jesus fuckin Christ, haven’t even finished my first cuppa. What do you want?
Sweet canteen lady: Cook, we need the list with today’s dishes! 10 Minutes!
Cook: Workin‘ on it, sweet canteen lady!
( The underlings 1-10 nod in silence )
Cook: Alright then. What do we have so far?
Underling 5: Roast Turkey, cook.
Cook: That’s a good one.
Underling 8: We need to come up with something for the vegetarians.
Cook: Fuckin‘ grasseaters.
Underling 1: What vegetables do we have left over from yesterday?
Underling 3: Some mushrooms. Some 40 packages or so.
Underling 4: Green peppers from Tuesday!
Underling 7: Celery. Plenty of it.
Underling 9: The sweet canteen lady says in the pantry are plenty of tins with green peas. They have to be finished before the end of the year.
Cook ( grunts ): Good. Let’s throw them altogether.
Underling 10: But we need some sauce, cook.
Cook: What’s wrong with my turkey gravy, eh?
Underling 10: Nothing cook, I just thought…
Cook: Now he starts to think! Jesus, workin‘ with these lads. Should charge them some extra money for it.
Underling 4: Cook, how do you want to call the dish?
Cook: What’s our main dish?
Underlings 1-10: Roasted Turkey, cook.
Cook: Jesus, why are you shoutin‘ like this? I am not deaf.
Cook: Roasted vegetables. Roasted vegetables that’s fancy enough, eh?
Underling 5: But Cook, don’t you…
Cook: What are you lingering around here anyway? See the potatoes over there? All yours.
Sweet canteen lady: Cook, do you have the list with today’s dishes?
Anyway it was rather a vegetable goulash than anything else. You see as a non-pork eater in Ireland you sometimes eat a vegetable goulash while thinking its roasted vegetable or the other way around. The mashed potatoes ( with herbs! with herbs! ) were pretty tasty. The rest, well…
What? Roasted Vegetables with mashed potatoes ( instead of rice )
Where? The Buttery, Trinity College Dublin, Ireland
How much? 4 Euro